Laserfiche WebLink
"Kindly let me help you or you will <br />drown," said the monkey, placing the <br />fish safely in a tree. <br />Responsible FFIr or Responsible To? <br />In treatment and in 12-Step support groups, a parent will <br />begin to differentiate between responsibilities to adolescents <br />versus those things for which they are responsible. Parents have <br />responsibilities, huge responsibilities! When a child is born, a <br />parent first realizes the awesome responsibilities for the child's <br />very survival. <br />Parents are responsible for fulfilling every need of the infant <br />simply because of the helplessness of the infant. Fairly soon. the <br />toddler begins to say "I can do it my�if." Soon the child <br />becomes autonomous and struggles to be independent. At this <br />point, the parent is responsible for training the child to be aware <br />of danger, to look both ways, and to avoid touching hot stoves. <br />But what happens when the hot stove becomes a hot car or <br />a lit joint? Are parents responsible for that? No, this behavior <br />is 'he choice of the adolescent. But we are responsible SQ our <br />adolescents at this point, to assess the problem, provide assis- <br />tanco, or hold them accountable for these choices. <br />As parents, we tend to maintain our sense of responsibility <br />"for" l-)ng after the -purpose of fostering growth, We hold <br />ourselves responsible for these behaviors of the adolescent and <br />question ourselves with, "Where did I go wrong?" The parent <br />begins to feel likea failure and develops an overwhelming sense <br />of inadequacy. This can lead to overcompensation through <br />control and rigidity, or giving in to inadequacy by rolling over <br />and playing dead, which can lead to enabling the drug user's <br />behavior to continue. <br />Sometimes the parent has earned the right to feel like a failure. <br />Perhaps drug or alcohol abuse has also been a problem for the <br />parent, with accompanying neglect or abusive behavior. Per- <br />haps physical, emotional, or sexual abuse has o4,curred. In these <br />cases, it is even more difficult for a paren, to separate <br />responsibilities to and fQr. Certainly, the parent's behavior has <br />been harmful; and, tda great extent, this parent is responsible for <br />the adolescent's turmoil, but not the behavior! <br />There comes a time when adolescents need to make their own <br />