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SPRING, 1988 <br />RELATE <br />Merolu, AA,nAne.suras.5.,334:5C0UNSELIN 932•77'7' <br />� <br />CENTER <br />CODEPENDENCY AND ADDICTIVE RELATIONSHIP_S:_ <br />1 14 0. K. R YOU IVE 0. K. <br />Codependency is a familiar term locally <br />It has become one of the stock phrases <br />in the current spate of books and <br />psycho -babble. If you have had or <br />are having triuble in a relationship <br />(especially a romantic one), some <br />wit is sure to label you as a co-dep- <br />endent. <br />What does the word codependent mean? <br />Codependency, as a concept, emerged <br />from alcoholism treatment renters <br />in the early '70s. It addressed <br />a problem that addiction counselors <br />had struggled with for some time: <br />when the alcoholic is treatea, it <br />becomes apparent that a number of <br />people have been involved directly <br />or indirectly as a support system, <br />which helped the alcoholic maintain <br />the addiction. <br />The original assumption was that <br />these "co -alcoholics" or "codependent" <br />people had problems because o' their <br />involvement with the alcoholi:'s <br />problem. (in other words, "I'm screwed <br />up because you're screwed up"). <br />However, it became clear this assump- <br />tion was in fact "the proble^i". ("In <br />order for me to be O.K., I need you <br />to be O.K."). "The answer to my <br />problem is to fix you." <br />Co dependency Could be defined as the <br />fine art of never giving up. Codependents <br />see life as a problem, a problem <br />they must solve. ("I don't: have <br />to deal with you as you are, I will <br />deal with you as you could be, or <br />should be'). <br />Practically speaking, codependents are <br />addicted to perfection and express this <br />NEWSLETTER <br />through passive or active efforts to con- <br />trol people, events or situations. <br />We begin to see that codependency can emerge <br />in many situations - not just alcoholic or <br />drug addictive families. There is a similar <br />pattern in families with addictive gambling, <br />addictive overeating, or sexual addiction. <br />Beyond these families, the process seems <br />to turn up in other types of families where <br />something very chronic and painful is going <br />on. The child grows up adapting themselves <br />to the momentary emotional state of the <br />people around him/her, and becomes a chronic <br />caretaker. <br />The recovery pr+.cess requires three steps, <br />1. Recognition of what is wrong; ("I am <br />having a problem.") <br />2. Letting go of others' problems; ("I <br />can love this person, but stay detached <br />from their problems.") <br />3. Getting support from other people so <br />the emotional healing process can start. <br />Codependents have usually suffered great <br />injury to themselves from emotional starva- <br />tion. This is why peer support groups like <br />Alanon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and <br />other 12-Step support groups are such power- <br />ful and successful resources for those <br />who want to change. <br />The complications of codependency have been <br />eloquently discussed in two books of recent <br />years: <br />Adult Children of Alcoholics, <br />by Janet Woi ti t; : <br />It Will Never Happen to lie, <br />by Claudia Black. <br />Recovery is not a place we arrive at, but <br />a wa• of life we can commit ourselves to. <br />Chris Ringer, Coordinator <br />Addictions Program <br />