11-13-1989 - Agenda Packet City Council - regular meeting

Home Browse Search

Power and powerlessness One of the most baffling concepts for parents is that of pow- erlessness. A parent's initial reaction to the First Step, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (plus drugs and other people's behavior) and that our lives had become unmanage- able," is to exclaim, "I can't do that. I'd have to abdicate my role as a parent. It sounds like I'm expected to give in and give up!" It means no such thing. In order to recover, the chemically dependent person will h7•: a to Rake the same First Step. It i- helpful to use experience asa guide. We often hears chemical abuser claim to havecontrol of drug use, "I can quit anytime I want to, I just don't want to now." An alcoholic will attempt to control consumption with a set of rules to govern the time and amount of the drug that can become the ruling factors of daily life: only in the aft rnoov, only with fats to coat the stomach, never around the home, never during the workday, only one drink per hour. After taking the First Step, admiring to powerlessness and unmanageability, this person may be .:ale to admit that he or she has slept till noon, gained weight, ignored the family, watched the clock, and made that one drink in an 18 ounce glass. Without the first st,!p, the alcoholic fails to see that alcohol is running the show and making the decisions. Even when "on the wagon," a chemically dependent person without a grasp on the First Step can continue to obsess on the drug. ("I haven't used anything for two months, six days, and three hours. In fact, it's no longer important to me.") Such is the typical comment of a drug abuser who hasn't surrendered to the powerlessness shaken of in the First Step. Alcoholics and drur abusers don't have a corner on this warped conception of l%)wer As a culture, we have been taught that we do and should have power and control over just about everything: our environment, employees, economy, illness, children, etc. The perception that we had learned to "control the atom" signalled the beginning of the Nuclear Age. It can he argued that we sire now controlled by the very this g that we sought to control. Much thf same occurs within the family when a member is abusing drugs or alcohol. Parents of a drug -abusing adolescent are akin to seismologists in California; counting, measuring and monitoring in hopes of gaining the upper hand on an earth- quake. Urine tests, for example, become the parent's Richter scale, and yield similar results. They confirm the event and leave you shaken. However, a urine test doesn't give anyone power over a chemically dependent person's urge to use drugs. Parents can become as obsessed with drugs as the drug abuser -- smelling the breath, checking the eyes, confirming the whereabouts, searching the room, and monitoring the phone calls of the user. Under the illusion that these measures will give them power over drug use, the rgents fail to see that drugs are controlling their lives and making many of their choices. A parent may find it helphil to examine the Second Step to fully realize the meaning of the first. The Second Step of the 12- Step Prc.gram is ("Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.") A parent can easily rebut the implications in this step with, "I'm not the one who has been acting insane, that's the drug user!" Take a moment to examine su.ne of your behavior in attempt- ing to control the adolescent's dnig habit. You may discover be- haviors that are, at the very least, inane, if not outright "insane." i . Flushing drugs or alcohol down the toilet. This controls water pressure, not chemical dependency. 2. Staying awake until 3:00 a.m. to smell the user's breath when he or she comes home. This controls your sleep, not chemical de- pendency. 3. Eavesdropping on suspicious phone calls. This controls your own sense of integrity, not chemical dependency. 4. Skipping work to try and catch him or hei skipping school. Enough said! 8 4